Yes, my dear friends, it is time to get started on this journey ... I have been researching, planning, thinking, externalizing, internalizing, basically diving into this journey I'm about to dive into before I start it ... I am a planner; I've always been a planner ... I am also kind of a control freak, although I'm okay with not being in control as long as I've planned to not be in control, makes sense, I know.
Anyway, my plan was to embark upon a new journey tomorrow, well still is, but I am already looking at excuses to not do it, already have an "out" ... my kids have been sick and they're home ... I planned on starting this journey on February 1st because as my custody plan has it, my kids are supposed to be with their father for the bulk of February ... and then a list of unforeseen circumstances ... my ex-mother-in-law has been stricken by breast cancer (and please send good vibes her way, as the mother of a man I loved enough to marry and the grandmother of my children, even though I'm an out-law now, her illness adds a burden to my mind and my shoulders), she would normally watch the kids for my ex while he works when they are in his care; due to her condition and surgery this week; we swapped a few weeks, so I unexpectedly have the kids in my care for the first two weeks of this journey (something I was not expecting), then on top of that, they have been home sick, and now the school district canceled school for tomorrow, so on top of them just being in my care, they are here 24/7, no break with them going off to school etc., so while I'm not excusing myself completely from beginning my plan I did decide to re-work it a little to avoid failure. Maybe some would call it a failure to just not go through with the plan as originally thought out, but at least I'm not calling it altogether.
So, that all being said; here are the non-psychological road blocks I have to overcome ...
A) I don't eat enough (every time I go on a "diet" this is an issue ... some people don't understand, but the way the human metabolism is set up and the way I eat mean I'm destined for fat storage, or at least not to lose the fat I have .... some days I don't eat at all until 5 or 6 in the evening and then I usually binge a little bit, but basically I end up putting myself into a state of starvation which then causes my body to respond by storing any food that I take in)
B) I snack while I cook (you know the ends of the bread when you make garlic bread, you can't make garlic bread out of them so might as well put some butter on them and eat them while you're cooking; or for every plate of ravioli I serve up for my kids might as well eat a few myself; or my biggest downfall ... cheese ... when I slice cheese for any reason, I always end up eating about as much as I'm using, and then when I grate cheese I always eat that chunk at the end that is too small to grate)
C) I don't move enough (my life doesn't require much movement, I have to go out of my way to move enough to make a difference in my body fat percentage and muscle tone, nonetheless give my lungs and heart the exercise they need to stay "in shape")
Psychological road blocks I have to overcome ...
D) I am afraid of the positive reaction of becoming thin (this is described in depth in the blog my new journey ... I am afraid that I will react negatively tot he positive reaction)
E) I am afraid to "move" in any kind of way that can really be defined as "exercise" in front of people (this is part of why my kids being home as I begin this journey is a hindrance, I don't really want to start my exercise plan with their little eyes watching me)
F) I don't stand up for myself with other people when I'm trying to make myself healthier ... and then I blame them ... (this is a major one ... so I'm on a diet trying to lose weight and my boyfriend makes me a fried egg sandwich with bacon and cheese and mayonnaise on it ... well it would be rude to turn it down to not eat it ... so I have to eat it ... and then of course it's his fault that I ate it, not mine)
Some of you may be thinking there is something missing from this equation; comfort eating ... unless I am in heavy denial, this is not an issue for me I do sometimes eat out of boredom, and my mom often sucks me into her comfort eating (see what I did there ... go back to F ... blaming other people) ... but my mom is big on fast food, restaurants, bottles of wine, etc., when she is stressed out or unhappy, and I tend to be her eating buddy ... still in my control, but not my comfort ... I may through this journey decide that comfort eating is an issue for me, but at this point in time I don't see it at all ...
Here are my solutions ...
A) With the help of free calorie tracking software, that also offers calculators that tell you how few calories you can eat without doing that to your metabolism, and how many calories you can eat and still lose weight to meet a goal; I will begin watching my daily calorie intake for both ends of the spectrum ... and also I will make sure I eat breakfast, and try to eat five small meals a day, adjusting appropriately for things like eating larger dinners with my mom, my boyfriend, my kids, whatever the plan is for the day ... this plan starts tomorrow ...
B) I will take some measures to help prevent this (buying pre-sliced and pre-grated cheese, to start with), but I also need to just be aware, I have a few ideas in mind for this ... I can chew gum while I cook, which will keep my mouth busy, and usually I don't eat while I'm chewing gum ... I also can keep a bottle of water with me while I cook and just take a few sips of water instead of taste testing everything ... this will be one of my bigger will power issues ...
C) This is where I am compromising with myself (see point E) because my kids are home while I'm starting this; I have a series of plans when it comes to this; I have my Wii Fit, which several times I have used very consistently and then things happen like my son goes into the hospital, or my boyfriend comes to visit or a few other things that "make me" stop; I also have Zumba videos and Strip Aerobics videos ... these are important ... I know myself well enough to know that if what I'm doing isn't fun ... I won't do it ... unless I had a personal trainer yelling at me to not stop anyway ... Zumba and Strip Aerobics is fun ... it's like dancing ... I can handle that without just quitting ... and finally; weather permitting I will start walking to pick my kids up from school and when they are in their father's care I will go walk around a local lake, both of which are about a mile and a half ... I will probably make my walks further, but to start with, that's a good distance ... and I have my "upbeat" music already in a playlist ready to go on the iPod ...
D) This is where I will probably blog the most ... this is my most sabotaging part ... this is the psychological part of me that allows my failure ... the part I need to work through the most ... besides just being "lazy" and not wanting to get up and do things ...
E) This I also need to work through, although when my kids are in school this is not an obstacle that I can't work through, but I do need to learn how to overcome it rather than just work through or around it ...
F) First off I need to lay the ground rules with people from the start; so that I'm not stuck in that place where I feel like refusing makes me rude ... the adults I need to talk to the most are my mother and my boyfriend ... but I need to lay ground rules to start with .... that I am on a "diet" of sorts and need them to not assume that I will eat or want to eat foods they buy or prepare ... that I need to be in control of my own foods ... and then if they don't listen ... I need to have the strength and the will power to stand up for myself and the journey that I am on ...
So, tomorrow morning I will weigh myself and take full body measurements ... then I will begin this journey ... I will talk more about goals in my next post ... and where I'm coming from and where I'm going ... and why I'm here ... I plan on going with straight diet and exercise, but I have some things to help me as I hit plateaus along the way; the supplement Alli will find it's way into my plan when I hit my first plateau and then green tea extract pills when I hit my second ... I know you may be asking why not start those things all at once ... the reason is this ... every time I've started losing weight I always give up when I hit the plateaus; if I have something to get me over the road block of the plateau that I know will work, then I can't and won't stop there ... and also as I will get into when I talk about my goals; this isn't a race ... as much as I'd like to lose 40 pounds a month and be done in two - three months, I know that's neither healthy or realistic, so this isn't a race, this is about changing the way I live and taking a journey that will make it so I never end up back here ...
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